can't stop the weird smell

I’ve Come Second To Porn, A Philly Cheesesteak And A Football Game, But Never A Dog

In categorically uncategorized. on July 25, 2011 at 10:46 am

While cooking dinner with Mr. LA the other night, he casually mentioned that there was something he needed to talk to me about. I bristled, narrowed my eyes and started chopping broccoli with rapt precision. Any time Mr. LA wants to broach a subject he suspects I might have a bad reaction to, he always adopts an air of grand insouciance. Busying himself with a droopy chicken thigh he told me, “My ex-girlfriend was wondering if I would look after her dog while she’s away on vacation.”

You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.

I put the knife down on the counter (which wasn’t necessarily my first instinct).  I shot him a withering glare. He then proceeded to quickly ramble on that it-makes-sense-because-she-lives-close-by-and-well-she-only-has-two-friends-both-are-busy-and-can’t-take-care-of-it-and-well-a-kennel-you-know…

You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.

Let’s put aside the fact that ex-girlfriends animals make me asthmatic and break out into hives. Instead, let’s focus on the gall of this woman (which upon further reflection could be the one of the underlying reasons for her limited social circle[i]) of asking such a favour. I mean, seriously.  Even the chicken thigh looked aghast. Her intrepid boldness leads me to believe that she doesn’t quite understand the difference between a friend who is a friend and a friend who is an ex.

They’re not the same.

Looking after someone’s pet is an intensely personal favour. It’s a huge commitment for my boyfriend (not to mention a massive inconvenience for me). It’s a favour that should be reserved for close friends and/or current paramours. Not your ex-boyfriend. And definitely not the ex-boyfriend who is in a relationship. The fact that she elected to ask Mr. LA is completely and utterly disrespectful towards me. She is trying to stake a claim for a part of my boyfriend that she isn’t entitled to any more.  What’s next? Picking up her tampons? Driving her to the airport? Neck massages?

My boyfriend told her that he wouldn’t be able to do it. And just because I like to hammer a point until it’s dead, I told him that for future reference, I refuse to come second to an ex-girlfriend’s dog. He shot me an exasperated look and said that if he had done it, we would’ve found a “compromise. “

I don’t compromise with ex-girlfriends dogs.

But I would’ve been gracious enough to pop by his place to wish him and the dog a happy life together.

Then “accidentally” left the back door open.

Oops.


[i] Is the dog included in her friend count?

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