can't stop the weird smell

“The Man With Many Interests Is An Uninteresting Man” – Fesche Lola, Proverbs 5:14

In categorically uncategorized. on June 22, 2011 at 6:36 pm

“The Man With Many Interests.” He is the man who enthusiastically participates in numerous activities throughout the week. Mondays: flag football, Tuesdays: ultimate frisbee, Wednesdays: cooking class, Thursdays: softball, Fridays: euchre. In addition to his scheduled excursions, he also enjoys rollerblading, spin class, lifting weights, going to the movies, Wii, reading The Economist and People, cottaging, trying new restaurants and listening to public radio.

The Man With Many Interests is also very interested in dating. Dating gives him a weekly forum to discuss his wide repertoire of interests with a new and captive audience.

And captive you will be upon your first encounter.  Dazzled, in fact.  A man who can effortlessly recite facts about canoes, polenta and radio documentaries and who engages such a wide array of physical activity? (Do you know anyone whose athletic skillset encompasses both ultimate frisbee AND Guitar Hero?)  He might be The Most Interesting Man You Have Ever Met.

You can hardly believe that you’re out on a date with him.

Eager to unravel more, you forge deeper into the conversation. Suddenly, a startling discovery: His conversational repertoire is completely devoid of funny anecdotes and personal observations. Why? There are none. Facts consume him: Did you know there are fourteen players over 40 on his co-ed volleyball team? And that his flag football league has an 8-week season as opposed to three years ago when it used to be nine.  Oh, and did you know that Heineken is the only beer in a keg you can purchase from the liquor store? I know. Interesting.

What The Man With Many Interests is NOT interested in is you. But that’s okay. Because you lost interest in him 90 minutes ago somewhere between how to distill your own vodka and hypoallergenic yarn. You stifle a yawn. He senses the shift in dynamic and becomes aggrieved. But only for a moment. For then it hits him, if you are bored by all the interesting things he does, clearly it is you who is the uninteresting one, NOT him. Awkward pause. Very awkward. You try and move the conversation along by telling him about the time you were trapped in a Greek wildfire. He shoots you a look of pity because that story doesn’t even come close to his gripping Tonsillectomy of ’96.

The bill doesn’t come soon enough. And when it does, he finds it very interesting that gin and tonics are $3 cheaper here than his favourite bar in Etobicoke. And that once he was in Markham and paid $11 for one, but he thinks it might have been a double. And did you know that he can drink a gin and tonic AND a mojito and not throw up? I know. Interesting.

The Man With Many Interests: The Most Uninteresting Man You Have Ever Met.




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